Area hospitals to offer free giant middle fingers to all employees

LA CROSSE, WIS — Two area hospitals are now offering a free obscene gesture for all of their workers to use at their discretion.

Under fire for suing their own employees for medical debt, both Gundersen Health System and Mayo Clinic are offering an olive branch to those that help do life saving work during a global pandemic.

“To help with the burden of the lawsuits we file over medical costs you may incur, we have agreed to provide a super cheap foam middle finger you can wave in our direction whenever you want,” spokespeople for both hospitals said in a joint statement.

Mayo Clinic has reportedly already garnished over $74,000 in wages of workers over medical debt, with Gundersen asking courts to garnish a similar amount from dozens of their own employees. Given the size of legal action they were taking, both hospitals felt the scales were a little unbalanced.

“Given how powerful we are versus how much power our employees have against us, we figured without a little something to fire back, it just wasn’t sporting,” the joint statement went on to say.

The hospitals say employees will be responsible for sanitizing their own middle fingers both before and after use. To cut costs, both Mayo and Gundersen will purchase the sizable order of foam fingers using workers’ garnished wages.