Satire

Can You Identify These 5 Celebrity Neck Vaginas?

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Everyone needs a distraction now and then. It’s not healthy to be immersed in stressful events all the time. That’s why it feels so good to read about Reese Witherspoon’s new hair color in a magazine at the doctor’s office. They offer a distraction. It’s like eating M&M’s—quick, sweet, and fun. We are obsessed with celebrities. Some celebrity faces are as easily recognizable as letters of the alphabet. But have you ever taken the time to look at the celebrities’ other features? Have you taken the time to appreciate Mark Whalberg’s third nipple? Or admire Dan Aykroyd’s webbed feet? If you haven’t, then you will definitely not be able to identify these 5 Celebrity Neck Vaginas.

Number 1:

You would have to be a wizard to identify our first celebrity neck vagina. Give up?

Answer:

Daniel Radcliffe

It’s English actor and producer Daniel Radcliffe! Best known for his role as Harry Potter, Radcliffe now only uses the magic of his epic neck vagina.

Number 2:

It would be a strange thing if you could figure out the owner of this celebrity neck vagina.

Answer:

Millie Bobby Brown

It’s British actress Millie Bobby Brown! When Brown isn’t too busy using her mind powers, she’s hard at work using her neck vagina powers to take Hollywood by storm.

Number 3:

This owner of this neck vagina likes you just the way you are.

Answer:

Bruno Mars

It’s 10 -time Grammy Award winner Bruno Mars! The only thing Mars rocks harder than the stage is his award-winning neck vagina.

Number 4:

You better have a guess for this neck vagina. You have 10 seconds to comply.

Answer:

ED-209

It’s the murderous robot ED-209 from the RoboCop movie franchise! Though ED 209 works full time murdering people for OCP and volunteers his extra time as a crossing guard, he’s still not too busy to show off his perfect cybernetic neck vagina.

Number 5:

This celebrity neck vaginas loves it when you tickle his funny bone.

Answer:

Elmo

It’s Elmo! This famous Sesame Street Muppet is known for speaking in the 3rd person, but rumor has it that Elmo actually named his fuzzy neck vagina Elmo as well and is really just talking to it! Who knew?

How was your knowledge of celebrity neck vaginas? Probably not very good. Don’t fret. You are not alone. Most people could not recognize a celebrity neck vagina from a regular neck vagina. Instead, use this quiz as a reminder the next time you are reading celebrity gossip to take a moment and admire their unique neck vaginas of Hollywood. They deserve attention too.

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire