Satire

Two Pigeons Fighting Over a Cheese Curd to Headline Riverside Bandshell Friday

LA CROSSE, WIS — The next big name act to grace the stage of La Crosse’s brand new outdoor band stand will fill the afternoon air with a squawking argument over food.

Two Pigeons Fighting Over A Cheese Curd are expected to take the stage under Riverside Park’s new bandshell canopy just before 7:00pm Friday. Members of the group say they strive to give the most honest performance they can to, “Really give fans the feeling of sitting in a park that’s empty because of a global disease.”

“We really strive to try and give the people a feeling of, ‘Oh, what a shame!’ when they see us perform on a brand new empty stage,” one of the members, who is a pigeon, said.

The cheese curd is one of several discarded snacks from a local Kwik Trip the group may or may not incorporate into their act.

“My influences are things like, ‘Hey, I wanna eat that,’ or ,‘Don’t you fucking take that, it’s mine, give it,’” the other member, who is also a pigeon, said. “It helps if I’m actually hungry because then the performance is genuine.”

This will be the first major act to grace the stage since renovations on the bandstand were completed mid-summer. Critics are calling it, “Something to do if you’re really that bored,” and, “A real bummer, I mean look at how nice that stage is now.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire