RECALL ALERT: Mailboxes Removed Amid Concerns That They May Cause Democracy

LA CROSSE, WIS — The United States Postal Service issued a recall Sunday, upon discovering that their mailboxes may lead to a fair democratic process.

“After a thorough investigation, we found that our mailboxes could end up contributing to a safe and fair election process during the coronavirus pandemic,” Postmaster General Louis DeJoy said. “I just can’t allow that to happen.”

According to experts, fair and democratic processes have been linked to horrible side-effects such as faith in leadership, national stability, and lack of civil unrest. 

“What would this country come to if we just let people express themselves through the most basic freedom the country was founded on? I’ll tell you: chaos! That’s what!” DeJoy added.

To avoid exposure to possible democracy, experts advise voters not to look up exactly where you can drop off your completed ballot instead of trying to mail it back (such as the drop box on the north side of La Crosse’s city hall used during the August 11th primary). They also say, DO NOT, under any circumstances, go to this link to purchase a book of stamps to support the USPS.