Jim Carrey Calls for a Nationwide The Mask Mandate

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Actor and comedy star Jim Carrey made the case for a nationwide mask mandate Thursday, but not out of desire for public safety.

The comic actor released a statement on Instagram stating that the healing the country needs right now won’t come from a vaccine or from meaningful police reform, but rather from his 1994 comedy where his character uses the power of Loki to rob a bank and browbeat a woman into dating him.

“Stanley Ipkiss is what this country needs right now,” Carrey wrote. “If there is anything that can break the constant downward spiral of 2020, then an early 90’s comedy where I do a dance number with cops and sodomize two mechanics for ripping me off will do it.”

Carrey is calling for executive action, compelling streaming services to force users to watch The Mask at least once in its entirety before they are allowed to watch anything else. 

“And Netflix should have no problem,” Carrey continued. “They’re already working on a bunch of Dark Horse Comics adaptations like The Umbrella Academy. The Mask fits in perfectly. Still waiting on that phone call by the way…”

Carrey assures the American people that a movie with classic comedic lines like, “Je t’adore… je t’adore… shoot a window, I don’t care!” and, “Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some type of wood!” that the country will begin a healing process despite having just watched a movie where a dog peeing on gruff mobsters with machine guns saves the day.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire