We Fed a Fact-Checking Bot 1000 Hours of Trump Speeches and Now It Uses a Lot of EAP

LA CROSSE, WIS — In the search for separating truth from fiction, we discovered that even robots have emotional breaking points.

Thursday, we fed BS-9000 – our fact checking robot – 1000 straight hours of Trump speech transcripts and the results were surprising.

“Well, we expected to see an analysis page with concrete details on how truthful the president has been since the beginning of his campaign through present day,” La Crosse Times Analyst Lincoln Freimund said, “but instead of that, it just printed fifty full pages saying, ‘IT IS FINE, IT IS COOL, I JUST NEED SOME AIR FOR A BIT,’ over and over.”

BS-9000 now uses between 6-7 hours per week of the employee assistance program through Gundersen’s Green Bay Building and has taken up smoking, somehow.

“Yeah, in hindsight, we probably shouldn’t have done that,” Freimund added. “There’s half-smoked Marb Reds all over the office now. I think we might have broken it for good… and this was just a robot! Can you imagine what that does to people who have to analyze that many Trump speeches? They’re probably beyond their wits’ end by now.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire