Study Suggests Dude with Like 14 Flags on Display Probably Not Fun to Be Around

TOMAH, WIS — A recent study conducted by the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse found that the more flags an individual displays, the less likely they are to be a good hang.

The study was put forth by Dr Jennings Peterbuilder, who sought to find a clearer picture on the relationship between having a lot of flags on display and how much people actually want to be around someone.

“Well, I was certainly shocked by what we found,” Dr Peterbuilder said. “I figured such a seemingly patriotic symbol would translate to a welcoming presence, but what we saw with the data was that it had exactly the opposite effect.”

The study surveyed 1000 people by showing them dozens of profile pictures from social media, each with varying levels and methods of American flags displayed. Each one asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to want to hang out with this person?”

“10 represented a ‘Sure thing! Looks like a great time and experience,’” Dr Peterbuilder added, “and 1 was along the lines of ‘no fucking way, and someone should probably keep an eye on that dude’. We found most of the answers were 5 or below if there were more than two flags on display.”

Peterbuilder went on to say the method, or location of the displays were a huge factor in the respondents’ ratings.

“Flags on houses were more likely to get higher scores,” Dr Peterbuilder said, “but any time a flag was on a vehicle – particularly a truck – every single respondent rated that a 1 out of 10.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.