Former Redskins Change Mascot to Historically Accurate “Mangled Leg Injury”

WASHINGTON, DC – Back in July, the NFL team formerly known as the “Redskins” temporarily changed their name to the “Washington Football Team” to buy time for a complete rebranding strategy. Sunday, the La Crosse Times has learned the team has officially announced their new mascot: The Mangled Leg Injuries. 

“We wanted to choose a mascot that adheres to the history and culture of both Washington football and the NFL in general,” commented Mangled Leg Injury team spokesman Taylor Lawrence, “And both are known of some of the most gruesome leg injuries of all time.”

Washington unveiled the new Mangled Leg Injury logo earlier Sunday at a press conference along with their new mascot “Mangley, The Compound Fracture Monster.” 

Lawrence is likely referring to two heinous injuries (among many) that have played out while donning the Washington gold and burgundy. 

The first of those injuries is the horrific, career-altering injury of NFL great Joe Theismann back in 1985. In front of a crowd of tens of thousands and for millions to view at home, Theismann’s tibia and fibula were snapped in two while he was tackled from behind trying to escape the pocket. The play, which went on to be the #2 watched play in Monday Night Football history, was delightfully shown to the viewers at home in multiple angles with the new “super slow motion” feature that allowed TV viewers to not only see how his shin turned into a second knee joint, but also treated us to delectfully absorb the blood-curdling screams of a man shouting out in deathly pain. This also gave Theismann an endless supply of talking points for his post-playing career as a color commentator and football analyst. 

Over time, the former Redskins have enjoyed a rich history of terrifying leg injuries from players at every position. But it wasn’t until November 2018 – almost exactly 33 years to the day – Washington quarterback Alex Smith had the most spectacular leg injury of all. On a similar play to Theismann’s, Smith was simultaneously hit by two Texan defenders who then twisted his body while his leg stayed planted in place. This allowed audiences to watch Smith’s foot do an entire 180 degree turn and have his foot twisted in the complete opposite direction in a nausea-inducing super high definition broadcast to millions. The injury then made its way around the internet with three dimensional camera angles and zoomed in 1000x so viewers could rewatch the exact moment that Smith’s shin bones turned into powder with his skin being the only connective tissue holding his foot to his body. 

There has been much debate about which leg injury has been modeled for the team’s new mascot, but Lawrence assures fans that the leg injury is representative of all football leg injuries – not just one in particular. 

“Washington football and the NFL is all about ALL mangled leg injuries equally, not just one in particular,” Lawrence continued, “Though we have all the love and respect for Mr. Theisman’s and Mr. Smith’s leg gruesome injuries, this gruesome leg injury is a TEAM gruesome leg injury.” 

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire