College Student Trying to Pack Year’s Worth of Partying Into the 2 Weeks School is Still Open

LA CROSSE, WIS — A UW-La Crosse student isn’t letting the real reason she came to college go to waste just because classes will probably be canceled in a couple weeks.

Maggie Martin, like many others headed back to institutions for higher learning this fall, doesn’t expect to be there for long.

“There are people out there who just aren’t taking this coronavirus seriously,” Martin said. “So, if I want to have the college experience that I’m convinced I deserve, then I need to do all of that partying right now and as much as possible.”

Martin says her typical evening is like most other students’, which includes walking to La Crosse’s downtown to clean out the city’s tequila supply each and every night.

“We are being safe though,” Martin said. “I only ever come downtown with like 25 to 30 of my closest friends.”

Students admit there’s a risk, but most have ultimately decided that risk is more than worth taking to be able to drink low quality alcohol in extremely large groups for four hours straight.

“Hey, look… if I die, then I die,” said one student who’s biggest life achievement to date has been barely graduating high school. “Just because someone else isn’t taking the coronavirus seriously, doesn’t mean I should have to give up the table dancing and the sexually transmitted diseases that will define my entire young adulthood.”

According to the university, nearly all of the incoming students’ majors are ‘undeclared’.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

%d bloggers like this: