Satire

Man’s Belief System Completely Altered After Having Political Yard Sign Stolen

LA CROSSE, WIS — An election yard sign theft in La Crosse is believed to have completely changed how someone plans to vote this fall.

Jan Yerba-Matte first reported that his Biden Harris 2020 sign had been stolen Friday. He said he noticed a change in perspective almost immediately.

“I’ve always been a card-carrying democrat,” Yerba-Matte said. “Higher public education investments, social justice reform, taxing the rich… all that stuff. But now, since my yard sign was stolen… I’m thinking I might just abandon all that out of the blue.”

Political experts believe Yerba-Matte may be the first person in history to have their belief system changed by having their yard sign stolen or vandalized.

“It’s just… I mean… If he was the right choice for president, than why would the yard sign be so easily removed? I don’t know… I think this might be a sign. But, like, a different kind of sign,” Yerba-Matte pondered.

Theft and or vandalism of political yard signs is a crime and area law enforcement officials have made it clear that they will take these offenses very seriously.

“We will use all of the resources we currently don’t use to enforce the mask mandate to crack down on these yard sign thefts,” Town of Campbell Police Chief Dinkin Blaster said. “Make no mistake: If you think you are going to steal an election sign and change someone’s opinion, we’re not going to just sit by and let that happen.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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