Satire

Appeals Court of Toddlers Temporarily Halt Parents’ Bedtime Order

ONALASKA, WIS — An appeals court of young children have issued a temporary stay on a parental bedtime order, by a vote of 3-1.

Panel judges Billy, Amee, Callie and Dylan made the decision Saturday night, after their parents handed down an order to report to bed having washed up, brushed their teeth and in their PJ’s with no complaining by 7:00 PM. Parents then had to find a way to restate their case, despite being the higher body of their home’s judicial branch.

“I don’t understand this, how they can somehow overrule us,” their mother Kristen said. “That’d be like the supreme court handing down a decision about the president’s tax returns, and then some smaller appeals court located in who-gives-a-shit jumping in and somehow halting that order. But apparently that’s how that goes.”

As it turns out, the appeals court of toddlers do not have as much power over their parents as they thought, and merely delayed bedtime until a couple hours later. 

“That’s pretty typical,” their father Nick said. “They’ll fight with every childish tool in their pocket until eventually an adult reigns them in and they do what they’re told… oh and also, my kids eventually went to bed.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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