Satire

SUPREME COURT VACANCY: Who Are Trump’s Likely Nominees?

WASHINGTON, DC — Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s passing leaves yet another supreme court vacancy, the third in just five years. President Trump has asked the US Senate to vote “without delay” on his next pick for the highest court in the country, and Majority Leader Mitch McConnell indicated he intends to hold that vote despite an election under 50 days away.

There has been much speculation on who Trump will nominate for the vacancy. Here is a short list of the president’s most likely choices:

1. Amy Coney Barrett


2. Barbara Lagoa


3. Thomas Hardiman


4. Barron Trump


5. Tiffany Trump (not the president’s daughter, but Barron’s fish, which is also named Tiffany)


6. The Chick With Three Boobs From Total Recall 


7. Pennywise


8. A Xenomorph


9. Brett Kavanaugh’s Calendar 


10. A Cold Sore


11. A Copy of The Art Of The Deal


12. The President in a Fake Mustache


13. A Horse


14. A Stack of Papers Detailing Sexual Assault Allegations Against the President


15. Sylvester Stallone, Because the President Still Thinks He’s Really Judge Dredd


16. The Guy Who Shot Harambe


17. A Couple of Green Balls From the Movie The Rock


18. Clippy


19. A Gender Reveal


20. The Mom From Carrie


***UPDATE*** New information indicates that #20 and #1 are the same person.

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire