Satire

BREAKING: Bombshell Report Shows Trump Paid Normal Amount of Rich Person Taxes

NEW YORK, NY — A story released by the New York Times on Sunday provides detail into President Donald Trump’s personal finances, indicating that he only paid $750 in taxes in 2016 and paid nothing at all in 10 of the 15 years prior. This seemed shockingly, perhaps criminally, low to the nation’s experts, until they were informed these were the tax records of a rich person.

“You should’ve said these were for a rich guy up front,” one financial investigator said. “This is… hmm, yeah this is pretty much normal. Maybe even a little high?”

While an American making $50,000 would have an income tax burden of nearly ten times what the President did in his first year in office (another $750), experts were quick to point out that this is because a person on a 50k salary is “not rich”, and as such is expected to shoulder more of the nation’s tax burden.

“Sure,” the experts added, “the sales tax on a pack of gum is a literally infinitely greater amount than the $0 in income tax the sitting US President paid in ten different years. But – and we cannot stress this enough – he is a rich person, which means he simply doesn’t have to.”

When asked if there was anything that the average American could do about the layout of the nation’s current tax structure, the experts shrugged.

“Dunno. Have they tried just being rich? Seems to work.”

Reporter Lincoln Freimund contributed to this article.

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