Satire

Trump Charging Oddly Specific $421 Million Speaking Fee for Saturday La Crosse Visit

LA CROSSE, WIS — The president is making a stop in La Crosse Saturday, October 3rd, but in return he’s asking for a steep and specific price of $421 million dollars, in cash.

Some have pointed out the number directly correlates to how much the president allegedly owes in personal debts racked up – debts that will inevitably come due in the next few years. The president pushed back, saying the speaking fee had nothing to do with that.

“That isn’t it… it’s just fake news,” Trump said. “I just happen to like 421 as a number, it’s got a nice ring to it: 421. See? Go on, say it: 421. It just happens to be my favorite number right next to number 1, because that’s what I am: number 1. That I can tell you.”

The City of La Crosse has flatly expressed that there is no way they can pay that amount of money without taking out massive loans, which the president seemed to empathize with.

“Hey, I get it! That’s a rough one,” Trump said. “I mean I’m not definitely in that exact situation personally – I mean, I’ve never had loans, why would I need loans? I’m a billionaire! But I get it, you’re cautious, you don’t want some shadowy entity that would own those loans exhibiting huge amounts of pressure over you and everything you do… you know, or whatever, I don’t know what any of that would be like, why do you keep bringing that up? Such a nasty question… anyway I’ll need that sum by the end of the year or you’re an anarchist jurisdiction, okay?”

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire