Satire

COVID-19 Tests Positive for Stephen Miller

WASHINGTON, DC — In another surprising development inside the White House, the COVID-19 virus announced earlier today that it had come down with a case of Stephen Miller.

“I’m not sure how this could’ve happened,” the virus said, referring to the senior advisor to President Trump and architect of many of the current administration’s most horrific policies. “I thought I was taking every precaution – people don’t like going near him, and those that did have been wearing masks for years now.”

“Plus,” the virus went on, “I didn’t honestly think he was even human. Could be he’s some type of bat, though I suppose.”

The COVID-19 virus said it plans to spend the next few weeks quarantined within the White House, saying “I think there’s still more for me to do here anyways.”

Reporter Lincoln Freimund contributed to this article.

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