Satire

Noodles Opening Creates Confusion with Influx of Texts Asking to “SEND NOODZ”

ONALASKA, WIS — After experiencing several delays, the new Noodles & Company finally opened last Friday to a warm reception in the Coulee Region. Cars were lined-up around the corner and online purchases were set hours in advance to meet the carb-loaded food demands of the popular restaurant chain new to the La Crosse area. 

Unfortunately, the Noodles & Company grand opening did not go off without its share of controversy. During the first week of operations, complaints of text messages requesting people “SEND NOODZ” in the area were off the charts. Oddly enough, many of these requests came from family and friends. 

The source of the influx of inappropriate text messages was quickly pinpointed to the Noodles & Company drive-through by customers who were posting about their wait on social media. 

“I posted on my Instagram about how I was waiting in the drive through (at Noodles & Company) for 30 minutes, but it was totally worth it,” commented customer Rectorum Flabbityflap, “The next thing I know, my phone just started blowing up with all sorts of people asking for ‘NOODZ.’ I mean, what the hell, Grandma?!?” 

Flabbityflap was not alone after the Onalaska Police Department told The La Crosse Times that a staggering 7,000+ complaints were reported from customers waiting in the drive-through at Noodles & Company. All of the 7,000+ complaints said they received the same cryptic message: SEND NOODZ.

“Citizens of the La Crosse area, I understand you are incredibly aroused by the fact that we have waiting so long for a Noodles & Company to open in the area,” commented Onalaska Police Chief Fuzzy Navella, “but requesting naked pictures of people is considered harassment and could be subject to hefty fines.”

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.

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