Satire

VP Debate Stage Very Confident About Coronavirus’s Ability to Get Around Corners

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Newly released photos of Wednesday night’s debate stage show a clear confidence in COVID-19 not being able to hang a louie.

The stage setup features two plexiglass shields between both Vice President Mike Pence and Senator Kamala Harris’s desks – desks which, were stolen from a local DMV. The hobbit-door shaped shields do not extend past the height of a seated individual or the end of either desk.

“It’s much more aesthetically pleasing this way,” debate stage designer Frantic Pantswallow said. “Besides, it’s the debate commission’s strongly held belief that coronavirus is a wave, not a particle. It can’t turn a corner to save its life, so no worries here.”

Pressed on why there are no shields for the moderator as well, Pantswallow asserted that they weren’t necessary.

“If this debate is anything like the last one, we’re anticipating the candidates to aim their laser-pointer like stream of potentially infected breath-beams toward each other the whole time, hence the placement of their plexiglass shields,” Pantswallow added. “And if not, what are we out? A journalist? Nobody seems to care about them these days anyway.”

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

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