Satire

Tavern League of Wisconsin Switching to Water After Becoming Belligerently Drunk With Power

MADISON, WIS — After the Tavern League of Wisconsin’s latest announcement of legal action against Governor Evers’ emergency order, the TLW also announced Wednesday they will be switching to water after hitting a BPPC (Blood Political Power Content) of 0.124%.

“The legal limit for political power over policies affecting public health and safety for millions in your system is 0.1%,” Jared Tasemeiser, a trooper with the Wisconsin State Patrol, said. “We’re glad the TLW has recognized this and will be switching to water so they can sober up from this power trip they’re on.”

Political analysts agreed with Trooper Tasemeiser’s sentiments.

“When it comes to political power over public policy in the state of Wisconsin, I’d say the Tavern League has been over-served,” UW-Madison Political Science Professor Sandra Blacken-Tan said. “It’s promising that they’ve recognized this and hopefully the political bartenders at the capitol will continue to serve them only the bread and water they need to come back down to a place where they can be lucid again.”

State Patrol added that this can serve as a teachable moment, and a reminder for other industries in the state about lobbying in moderation.

“Don’t drink and drive policy-making,” Tasemeiser added. “Let’s achieve zero stupid-ass decisions in Wisconsin.”

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

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