Satire

Grandad’s Bluff Gives Grandson’s Bluff First Beer and Cigarette, Says Not To Tell Grandma’s Bluff

LA CROSSE, WIS — Bluff, bluff, pass. 

That was the scene Saturday when Grandad’s Bluff gave his 10-year-old Grandson Bluff, Billy, his first taste of adulthood: an unfiltered Winston cigarette and a warm Hamms Beer.

Grandson Bluff was staying at his Grandparent’s house for the evening while his parents were having a date night. Shortly after dinner, Grandad and Grandson Bluff adjourned the garage in the valley to listen to the Brewer game and tinker with his 1967 El Camino Grandad’s Bluff has been unsuccessfully restoring for over 12 years now. After about 30 minutes of a profanity-laced unsuccessful removing of a piece of the engine he could not identify, Grandad’s Bluff decided to take a beer and smoke break. It was then that he had the idea. 

“[Billy] and I were just sitting there in the garage, and I could see he was just staring at my smoke and beer,” explained Grandad’s Bluff, “I could tell by the look on his face he was curious, so I thought – what the hell!” 

That’s when Grandad’s Bluff gave his lit Winston and opened Hamm’s with Billy. As Billy sucked on his first cigarette and beer, Grandad’s Bluff stared in amusement before sharing stories about how he almost became a professional mountain before injuring his knee in high school. 

“My grandfather gave me my first cigarette and beer,” said Grandad’s Bluff, “I’m glad I could share that moment with my grandson.” 

Grandson Bluff later vomited all over the Bluffside Tavern before being told by Grandad’s Bluff to not tell Grandma’s Bluff.

Reporter Dr. Jonathon H. Dong contributed to this article.

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