Satire

“I Just Don’t Think I Can Keep Watching This Season of The Bachelorette!” Lies Area Woman

LA CROSSE, WIS — A La Crosse woman is having ultimately disingenuous second thoughts about watching the current season of The Bachelorette on ABC.

“It’s just too crazy! It’s too much! I don’t think I can keep watching anymore,” 34 year old Kenzie Thompson lied, knowing full well she’d be back under a blanket with a glass of wine ready for the next episode a full 45 minutes before it airs.

From issues with production, to an ever changing cast of thirsty weirdos, to the original bachelorette quitting mid-filming, the show’s 16th season has had a slew of problems.

“I mean it, I’m done with this one,” Thompson said, while texting her friends asking whether or not they wanted to start a zoom watch party for the next episode. “It’s just so crazy, I can’t even deal with this mess.”

When pressed on whether or not her threat not to continue watching the show was genuine, Thompson insisted that she was “super serious, for real” and that the several reminder alarms she’d been setting throughout the interview were for completely unrelated reasons.

“I just have a bunch I need to take care of next week anyway, so you know, I’m probably not even going to have time,” Thomson said.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire