Satire

Local Artisans Baking Up Homemade Misinformation From Scratch

LA CROSSE, WIS — Local artisan bakers are ready to share their newest freshly made fabrications with you!

Local bakers, The La Crosse County Republican Party, have been serving up various forms of light and buttery, golden brown and verifiably dubious claims for some time, but only just recently has business begun booming.

“Really since October started, we’ve just been baking up a storm!” the party’s bakery chair said. “These tasty little morsels of fabricated information are selling like… well, like hotcakes! Which we also make.”

These intrepid bakers haven’t had it entirely easy though. Facebook, one of their main markets, has briefly cut ties with them on the grounds that the disinformation the party is selling is not healthy for the platform. 

“I happen to think that the people of this free country should be allowed to decide for themselves whether or not they want to ingest healthy, verified, fact-checked and gluten-free information OR, whether they want to gobble up our expertly crafted, sweet and aromatic bullshit,” the party’s baking chair added. “Right? It’s their choice, not Facebook’s.” 

The party says this policy change on the part of Facebook has severely altered the way they do business, even affecting a huge bake sale in the 94th Assembly District. 

“They never even warned us that selling lies was something they would perceive as bad,” the chair said. “If we would have known that, we probably would have just sold them via mail or had a radio giveaway or something.”

In the meantime, some of their most popular products are still available, such as the “Honey Glazed Biden Wore A Wire in the Debate”, the “CDC Says Masks Aren’t Effective Pie” and the “Apple Wisconsin Doesn’t Need A Statewide COVID Plan Turnover”.

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire