Satire

Undecided Voter Struggling to Decide Whether to Eat Side of Fries, or a Live Hedgehog

PEORIA, ILL — Time is running out for 47 year old Justin Wishywash, before the server comes back and he will have to make a decision on his order for dinner.

Wishywash, an undecided voter, is struggling to decide which side to order with his plain cheeseburger: a side of fries, or a living prickly and angry hedgehog.

“How do you pick??” Wishywash laughed. “I mean on the one hand, eating a live hedgehog obviously isn’t ideal, but I don’t know… fries aren’t exactly healthy either. At least I think they’re not… I don’t know, I read that somewhere.”

According to staff at this particular Red Robin, Wishywash has asked the server for pro’s and con’s to each option three times already.

“He could also order a side of coleslaw,” one the servers said, “but that’s basically like throwing your money away, trust me.”

Wishywash indicated he was leaning toward ordering a side of fries, but that may not affect his other down-menu choices.

“If I do order fries, I may still decide to get some other disgusting live animal item as a dessert,” Wishywash added, “just because I’ve never really been a ‘fries only’ kind of guy, you know?”

Latest reports indicated that Wishywash has also neglected to decide on a brand of soda to order.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire