To Avoid COVID Spread, Trump to Give La Crosse Speedway Address at 124 Miles Per Hour

Explore Minnesota

WEST SALEM, WIS — The president will hold a rally in West Salem at the La Crosse Fairgrounds Speedway Tuesday, delivering his address hanging out the passenger door of a Gen-6.

Faced with criticisms on how cavalier the president and his campaign has been about the spread of coronavirus at his rallies, instead of encouraging mask wearing and social distancing, the president will simply shout out the side of a car winding the track at over 120 miles per hour.

“The president feels very strongly that even if he’s somehow still shedding the virus, no one will be in danger as long as his car is going fast enough, apart from the driver,” a campaign spokesperson said.

The president himself is excited to hit the campaign trail in rural Western Wisconsin, a state seen as crucial to his 2020 election prospects.

“What this campaign needs is to lock down the votes of a town with like 800 racists,” the spokesperson added. “Wait! Not like racists racists… I mean people who race cars. Aren’t those called racists? People who race? Nevermind. We’ll take anyone we can get at this point…”

After his race speech is finished, the checkered flag will be flown and Trump will receive a first prize trophy, per his insistent request.

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

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