LA CROSSE COUNTY, WIS — In a gesture of good faith for rural West Salem and the surrounding areas in La Crosse County, Donald Trump and his presidential campaign has given every driver in the area an additional 20 minutes to add on to their evening commutes back home.
“Free of charge!” Trump exclaimed. “Unlike this visit to the race car track… that might cost you a few pennies, that I can tell you.”
Commuters met their free gifts with a mixture of confused incredulity and/or excited anger.
“This is fun,” commuter Robbie Licht said. “I was definitely looking forward to sitting in stand-still traffic with two insanely restless children because President Cheeto is fifteen miles from where I am. COOOOOOOOOOOOL. COOL. COOL. COOL.”
“Normally I hate traffic, but in this case I was able to finish a podcast about why we still need the electoral college… twice,” commuter Jason Danglebeard said. “To be fair the podcast is very short, they don’t have a lot of points to make.”
The Trump camp hopes their generous donation will tip the scales in their favor just eight days out from the election.
“I call it Frustration For All!” Trump added, shortly afterwards telling an aide, “See? I did mine just like Bernie’s. Maybe that will work? Kind of out of idea here…”
Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.