Satire

Local Idiot Wearing Halloween Mask Wrong Too

LA CROSSE, WIS — Since the pandemic began, frustrations have continued to mount over individuals who either do not wear masks at all, or those who wear them incorrectly, rendering them useless.

With Halloween approaching, at least one La Crosse man has been spotted wearing their costume mask incorrectly as well.

“He was wearing one of those ghostface masks from the Scream movies,” eyewitness Georgie Taylor said, “but he somehow still managed not to have it cover his nose. Why is that so hard for people to get!?”

The La Crosse Times has identified the man as Paul Stankwood, a 37 year old resident of French Island. Stankwood says he doesn’t get Taylor’s frustrations, nor does he understand why his Scream mask doesn’t make sense sideways.

“What…?” Stankwood freely scoffed, with nothing in the way of his airflow, “It’s more comfortable this way.”

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire