OPINION: We’re Already Sick of Your Joe Exotic Costume

LA CROSSE, WIS — Yes, I know you’ve had this costume idea since March. I know because you told me. You told everyone. WE ALL KNOW YOU’VE HAD THIS IDEA SINCE MARCH!

You know who else had this idea in March? Everybody! We all had the idea that it would make a good Halloween costume the minute the show started. You were just the one who talked about it first. And the minute you opened your mouth and were like, “You know what would make a good Halloween costume?” we were all like, “Well, I can’t fucking do that now.”

And we didn’t need to hear every detail of you putting together the costume. Every month you were bragging about some etsy bullshit you found. Most of us would have just sorted through our closet for our American Flag button up and knee brace and then picked up a mullet wig at Spirit Halloween. Boom! One afternoon. All done. If we wanted to get real into it we could’ve picked up one of the shirtless, toothless meth heads on South Losey to act as one of Joe’s husbands.

I know how happy and excited you are about the costume. You haven’t shut up about it for seven months!  That’s the only reason I’m going out with you that night. Because I want to see your face when you see all the other stupid Joe Exotic costumes that people came up with in March. We all know those costumes are going to be just as shitty but somehow also better than yours. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to finish my Bly Manor Faceless Lady costume.

Reporter DJ Bigalke contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire