Satire

Using Trump Playbook, Packers Will Sue to Stop Games Early While They’re Still Leading

GREEN BAY, WIS — The Green Bay Packers are taking inspiration from an unlikely source to boost the possibility of winning future games.

Thursday, coaching staff announced that they will take a page from the Trump Campaign playbook and sue to stop games early, so long as they are ahead by halftime.

“It is the official stance of the Green Bay Packers organization that any and all points that would be scored by the other team after the half are fraudulent, obviously, and counting those points would be unsportsmanlike and an attempt to steal the game from us,” Packers’ spokesman Charles Toopumps said.

The announcement was met with immediate backlash, prompting critics to point out that the Packers only want to do that because they seem to lose steam significantly in the second half this year.

“This has nothing to do with the team’s easily tired offensive line or their perpetually shaky defense,” Toopumps continued, “It’s simply about having free and fair regular season NFL football games in which we are the winners each time.”

The Green Bay Packers will continue to have no fans inside the stadium for future home games, but expect that many people may gather outside for a demonstration chanting “Stop The Game!” or conversely, “Count Every Score!”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire