WASHINGTON, DC — As a reward for winning the White House, President and Vice President- Elects Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have been gifted a massive dumpster fire.
“We hereby bestow upon the incoming administration: a gigantic and very nearly out of control fire inside of a dumpster full of garbage that needs to be addressed immediately,” Jerry Smallwater, Dean of the Electoral College, said. “Congratulations!”
The dumpster fire, a traditional gift to incoming Democratic presidential administrations in the early 21st century, has been burning almost non-stop for four years straight. Officials are hailing this as one of the most historic dumpster fires in modern times.
“This is the biggest, smelliest and hottest burning dumpster fire ever to be given to an incoming president in my lifetime,” Smallwater continued. “Best of luck putting it out.”
Also in an historic first, this will be the first time in US history a woman Vice President will be tasked with putting out the 4 year old burning stench emanating from the hallowed alleyways of Washington.
“It is a truly remarkable day for Vice President-Elect Harris,” Smallwater added. “She will be the first woman, and the first woman of color at that, ever to grab a hold of the star-spangled fire hose and begin the nearly insurmountable task of dousing this – dare I say – utterly ridiculous dumpster fire that has been raging for what feels like eons.”
Biden and Harris are slated to receive their dumpster fire in January of 2021.
Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.