SPORTS: MLB to Introduce 2,000-Game Season

NEW YORK, NY– After suffering a shortened 2020 season due to the coronavirus, Major League Baseball announced plans for a new 2,000-game schedule tentatively slated for 2022-2023 but that could be introduced as early as next season.    

In the new schedule, each MLB team will play 2,000 games excluding playoffs, meaning a total of approximately 60,000 games will be played across all major league teams. Additionally, all games will be televised, radio broadcasted, and streamed online. 

Camps and training leagues will also be expanded and televised. Spring Training will now be called Fall Training as it is set to begin in early November, approximately one week after the World Series concludes.  

“We were disappointed over the 2020 season and its miniscule sixty games. Fans are used to seeing our super long season drag on and on, and now they’re going to get it back thirtyfold. We want to absolutely hammer them with a deluge of unexciting content,” said Rob Manfred, MLB commissioner. 

Jeff Morelong, MLB President of Operations, believes the new schedule and expanded coverage will make up for lost time and not be viewed as overcompensating or as a ploy to make more money from sales and advertising.

“We want to have games going on within games while another game starts, yet before the previous two games end and the nightly double-double headers begin,” said Morelong.

A double-double header is a new format in which two teams compete in four straight games. Double-double headers, and even triple- and quadruple-double headers, will be commonplace in the new season so as to accommodate all 2,000 games.  

“Basically, we want to go back to what we’re great at: overworking players and boring the bejeezus out of our audience with constant three-to-four hour televised chunks of our dull sport,” said Morelong. 

“With the expanded season and Fall Training coverage, plus coverage of all pre- and post-game analysis, batting practice, the seventh inning stretch, between-inning gimmicks, and even a few weekday practices, fans will get live MLB seven nights a week, eleven-and-a-half months out of the year.

Reporter Greg Lovell contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire, Sports