Satire

Dave Grohl Begins Holiday Season with Lighting of Krist(mas) Novoselic Tree

LOS ANGELES, CA — Dave Grohl, arguably the biggest rock star in the world, is kicking off the holiday season with fulfilling his annual family tradition by decorating and lighting the sacred Krist(mas) Novoselic tree in his Los Angeles home. 

The former Nirvana drummer took a long-deserved break from putting the finished touches on the new Foo Fighters album – set to be released on February 5th, 2021 – to spend a couple weeks at home with his wife and kids to immerse himself in the holiday spirit. What better way to get the season of giving started than to decorate a beautiful Krist(mas) Novoselic tree.

“It’s something we do together every year,” Grohl explained, “I pull the Krist(mas) tree out of storage, dust him off, tune his bass for him, and decorate him by the front window for all to see.”

The Grohl family then sit back and sip on some hot coco and enjoy the Krist(mas) tree as his six foot seven inch frame bounces around the living room kicking things over. 

Then, on Christmas morning, the Grohl family knows Santa has visited when they hear the soothing sounds of the Krist(mas) tree playing the bass intro to Nirvana’s Lounge Act

Unlike most families who take their Krist(mas) tree down after New Years, the Grohls have established a new tradition. 

“We get the most out of our Krist(mas) tree by leaving him up until January 14th because that’s my birthday,” Grohl continued, “We usually have a big party that ends with Krist smashing his bass on the floor at midnight. Then we put him back into storage until next December.” 

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article. 

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