Satire

Man Asks Supreme Court to Overturn His Wife’s Purchase of “A Bad Moms Christmas”

Explore Minnesota

LA CROSSE, WIS — A La Crosse man is fighting to have the purchase of a holiday comedy featuring Mila Kunis made by his wife overturned, and is willing to take his case all the way to the highest court in the land – which apparently is something just anyone can do for any reason these days.

“I’ve already been turned down by municipal court, the court of appeals, federal court, Judge Judy and also Amazon Prime, so I am vowing to take this all the way to the steps of the supreme court to get justice,” 39 year old David Scrumball said. “I want that $4.99 back, dammit!”

Alongside Mila Kunis, A Bad Moms Christmas stars Katherine Hahn (star of 2013’s Afternoon Delight) and Kristen Bell (star of Whatever Amy Poehler Isn’t Available For) as the “Bad Moms”, who have to deal with their own mothers at Christmas time and the troubles therein for an entertaining but mostly forgettable experience.

“Don’t get me wrong! I didn’t mind the movie,” Scrumball continued, “It was funny in some parts. But it was already on Netflix! My wife Sadie bought it on Amazon Prime before we knew that, and now we don’t get that money back ever? Screw that! This is America! If the lawsuits over the 2020 election taught me anything, it’s that the courts will listen to any goddamn thing you want to bring to them for any reason, and there’s no oversight of that whatsoever! So by God, I am gonna waste everyone’s time and effort for as long as it takes to get our goddamn money back!”

As of printing, 17 other state’s attorneys general have joined Scrumball’s lawsuit.

“Seems right!” said Texas AG and man who’s being investigated for bribery by the FBI, Ken Paxton. “That’s why Texas joined. I’m a big fan of suing stuff from other states that have nothing to do with me. After all, that’s what tax dollars are for!”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire