Netflix Offers to Put Skip Button on Losey Boulevard

LA CROSSE, WIS — Commuters in the La Crosse area received exciting news from a major streaming service. 

Netflix, in a press release Friday announced that they would offer the city of La Crosse the option to skip Losey Boulevard along their drive, should they want to do so.

“We’re told the average person has to cross Losey Boulevard about 34 times each week, costing them about an hour of unnecessarily slow traffic every day,” the company’s outreach team said. “That’s all seasons of intros to Stranger Things, Orange Is The New Black, The Haunting of Hill House, The Crown, and House of Cards combined and 600 times over. We’d like to help change that for drivers.”

The announcement was met with immediate praise from residents.

“This is the best thing that could have happened to La Crosse,” resident Gary Poleska said. “Ever since they changed the speed limit, driving on Losey feels like it takes your whole day away.”

“Every time I have driven on that godforsaken road, I’ve been like why do we even have this? Can’t I just skip it and get on with my day?” resident June Masterson said. “Now we are finally going to be able to do that! I’m… I’m honestly so happy, I could cry.”

After some time spent reprogramming Losey Boulevard, drivers will be able to hit “Skip Losey” in a one block period at the entrances to the connecting highway near Highway 16 and Mormon Coulee Road.