Menards Now Only Requiring Patrons to Wear 11% of a Face Mask

EAU CLAIRE, WIS — Menards updated their pandemic policies Sunday, slightly easing their mask requirements for shoppers.

Until recently, all Menards shoppers and employees were required to wear full face masks inside any of their numerous locations across the country. Now, spokesperson Emily Glanshert says they are altering their policy based on branding.

“We know it’s not as safe, but it is the most Menards-y thing we could possibly do,” Glanshert said. “So now, shoppers really only need to wear 11% percent of a mask, per management and Dr. John’s requests.”

The “Dr. John” Glanshert referred to is owner and billionaire John Menard Jr., who was recently given an honorary doctorate from UW-Eau Claire. Glanshert said the amount or portion of the mask worn is up to each consumer, so long as it covers at least 11% of their faces.

“You could just wear the straps, or a tiny part of the covering… be creative! It just needs to be eleven percent or more,” Glanshert added nervously. “Management was very clear about that. He– uhh, they… really like that number.”