Satire

Tips For Redecorating Your Senator’s House on a Budget of $600 Dollars

WASHINGTON, DC — It’s no secret: a redecoration project can be a nightmare without careful planning. What color scheme should I choose? What is my theme? Which overpaid and completely out of touch politician’s home should I choose? Do I spray, or would the strokes of a brush with a semi gloss mixed to perfection by the local Home Depot be more appropriate? And most of all, how much should I be spending?

There’s quite a lot to think about before you get started. Thankfully, we’ve got three tips that may help to make sure you can finish under your budget of $600 in stimulus money.

SIMPLIFY YOUR THEME

We get you may want to go all out and use every idea on your “Fuck Congress” Pintrest board, but in truth, the simpler your theme, the more effective your redecorating project will be. In the end, pick one or two of your best choices and run with those. This really allows your senator or congressional rep to really absorb a clearly defined theme without questioning exactly what your intent was.

DON’T SWEAT YOUR MISTAKES

We can’t all be professionals. No one will make the perfect redecoration project. You’ll come across numerous little mistakes and problems along the way, that’s the beauty of working on a home! The little imperfections are what makes your project uniquely you. I guarantee you, a little typo on a spray painted message here and there will go very appreciated by your elected jackass. That way, they are able to dismiss your uprising by feeling superior because they were able to spell check your work! Nicely done, neighbor!

EXPENSIVE SUPPLIES DOESN’T EQUAL QUALITY

Don’t break the bank with this! The most expensive quality paint or most exotic animal head isn’t necessary to meet your needs and make a really great project that shines. Trust me, if they can be insultingly frugal with your stimulus, you can be the same with your redecoration.

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire