Satire

GOP: Aw Man! Who Could Have Guessed That Constantly Enabling a Lunatic Would Lead to This?

WASHINGTON, DC — Aw, man! Awww jeez. Aww, you guys… okay, our bad. But who could have seen that coming?

Hey, if we would have known that constantly putting aside our moral instincts to back a wannabe dictator for four straight years because we were afraid we might not win elections, we might have acted differently! But come on… there was just no way to know that making an unstable lunatic think he could get away with anything would eventually lead to something bad, right?

I mean it’s hard to tell sometimes! When we let the president get away with leading to a government shutdown for 35 days, or having incredibly shady dealings with adversarial nations like Russia, or tear gassing peaceful protesters for a photo op, or pardoning convicted war criminals, or pardoning friends and allies before they’ve either been convicted or even charged with crimes in the first place, or sowing distrust in journalism, or flat out asking Ukraine to interfere with the 2020 election, or flat out asking China to interfere with the 2020 election, or flat out asking the courts to interfere with the 2020 election dozens and dozens of times after it was over, or spreading false narratives about mail-in ballots to interfere with the 2020 election, or repeatedly telling supporters to reject the results of the 2020 election, or encouraging violence at his rallies… when we let him get away with all of that, we were just thinking about how our voter base really liked all of that! Who could have guessed that supporting that or even encouraging and defending that would lead to an attempted coup at the capitol building?

Well, no more! We get it now! Now that our jobs and our legacy might be on the line, we say, enough! We have no problem taking a stance: violently trying to overthrow a government based on an obvious lie about the election is wrong. 

Unless you guys still like that sort of thing, I mean we’re down for whatever keeps us in office… but if not, then BOO! HISS! Violent coups are wrong!

…unless you think they aren’t, then see you in two years…?

The United States of America’s Republican Party contributed to this article and to this blatant attack on democracy.

Categories: Satire