CHANHASSEN, MN — The CEO of MyPillow has released a new line of pillows specifically designed for domestic terrorists looking to overthrow a government, or to up their pillow fight game at their next MAGA slumber party in the US Capitol.
The new Tactical Assault MyPillow is an open-cell, polyfoam cushion with a 100% Kevlar cover and six different types of deadly weapons.
“This patent-pending design is tailor made for the domestic terrorist who wants deadly weapons for committing treason, but also wants a comfy way to have a wittle nappy-poo when they run out of steam,” CEO Mike Lindell said, shortly after furiously scrawling “martial law” into his desk with a Bowie knife.
The pillow features a rocket-powered grenade launcher, two easily reachable knives, five hand grenades, a flamethrower that is operated by squeezing the pillow, and a very supportive cushion that never goes flat.
“Each Tactical MyPillow also includes a thin blue line punisher logo so everyone knows you are a bad ass and also that you’ve never read a Punisher comic,” Lindell added.
The pillows are set to go on sale as soon as any distribution company or retailer agrees to work with Lindell again, which could be never.