Satire

La Crosse Eagle Sculpture Remodel Bears Striking Resemblance to Don Henley

Explore Minnesota

LA CROSSE, WIS — The landmark eagle sculpture was removed from La Crosse’s Riverside Park back in September as it was in need of serious repairs. As the city checked in on the repair progress, it was revealed that the sculpture now has a strong resemblance to Eagle’s founder, drummer, and singer Don Henley. 

Henley, who formed the classic rock band The Eagles back in 1971, is the co-writer (with Glenn Frey) for the majority of their biggest hits including “Take it Easy”, “Desperado”, “Witchy Woman”, “One of These Nights”, “Best of My Love”, and “Hotel California”. He then continued to have a prosperous solo careese that included several accolades and remains the fourth wealthiest drummer on the planet behind Ringo Starr, Phil Collins, and Dave Grohl. 

Despite the incredible musical career of Henley, many La Crosse residents are confused by the reveal. 

“Was the eagle statue originally of (Don) Henley? Or are they changing it to him?” inquired La Crosse resident Suboopy Nerfherder of the 34 year old statue with a 20 foot wingspan. “I mean the Mississippi River is known for having eagles nests, but 1987 is right around the time Henley’s solo career was peaking.”

Nerfherder is referring to Henley’s “All She Wants To Do Is Dance” which landed him a Grammy Award for Best Male Rock Performance. 

The artist completing the remodel, Dink Guinness, refused to clarify whether the sculpture was of the eagle bird or the eagle Don Henley, but several sources have confirmed hearing Guinness playing an Eagles Greatest Hits album in his workshop.

“Regardless of what it ends up being, both are pretty cool I guess,” Nerfherder added, “I mean, I’m not a fan of The Eagles, but my dad is.”

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.

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