Satire

Weinerfest Cancellation Leaves Behind Excess Amount of Unused Innuendo

LA CROSSE, WIS — La Crosse’s Wienerfest, a spring event organized by La Crosse Festivals, Inc, has been canceled, the group announced Wednesday. The festival is best known and embraced by the La Crosse community for being a gathering to share all of the locally-sourced dick-jokes with one another as they get sloppy drunk. 

Some speculated the cancellation was because holding the festival would be distasteful with the recent Wienermobile tragedy, but Festival organizer, Dick Phallus, assured festival goers the cancellation was due to safety precautions. 

“It’s not uncommon for this to happen to a festival of this advanced age,” Phallus explained, “There’s nothing to be ashamed about.” 

Phallus assured people that even though the festival is cancelled, the spirit of Wienerfest can and will continue to live on in their daily lives. He encouraged folks to still try use up as much of their planned innuendo as possible.

“Reach out to a friend with a dick joke,” Phallus added, “better yet, corner someone with like eight to ten in a row. Just bombard them with as many dick jokes as you can search for on the internet.” 

Phallus also suggested using text and instant messenger to enhance the creepiness factor of sending people random dick-jokes. 

“This is what Wienerfest is all about. Showing our love for one another through the art of dick-jokes.” 

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article. 

Categories: Satire