Satire

20 Bird Mascot Ideas for High Schools Trying to be Less Racist

LA CROSSE, WIS — With Central High School’s announcement that they would officially change the image and more importantly the name of their “Red Raider” Mascot to the “Riverhawks”, we’ve compiled a list of 20 other weird bird-themed mascot names in case any other high schools are interested in making the bare minimum effort in being less shitty to Native Americans:

The Sackvultures


The Bananabeaks


The Feathered Walkedinonyoujerkin’its


The Angry Worm-Vortices 


The Leatherbilled Rastas


The Secret Cheetos


The Benign-toomer Avacadobirds


The Crustpunk Geese


The Dangerpoofs


The Malfunctioning Gasgrills


The Wreckingbills


The Bloated Pokeyfaces


The YASSSSS Finches


The Giant Beak McConnellthroats


The Needlebeak Sadpoofs


The Lilyprancers


The Fashion Turkeys


The Mighty Sharpgoiters


The Toothy Seagulls


The Disappointed Snotshooters


Hopefully – in your high school’s journey to eventually not casually treat an entire race of people like animals – you can use some of these as inspiration for a unique symbol your school can be proud of! We can’t wait to head to a local game, grab a hot dog at the concessions and cheer on The Mighty Fashion Turkeys!

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

Categories: Satire