Satire

New Job Allows Former Health Director to Address Idiots’ Comments From Entire State Now

LA CROSSE, WIS — After years leading La Crosse County’s Health Department, director Jen Rombalski announced she will be taking a position at the State of Wisconsin’s Department of Health Services. 

Until recently, her exact position was not made public, but Tuesday, it was announced that in her role she will be able to expand from addressing comments and questions from mean-spirited know-it-all morons in the Coulee Region to doing that for every single Wisconsin moron.

“This is a huge step for [Rombalski],” co-worker Alex DeSpatula said. “Over the past year, she really was only able to endure shitty comments and questions on Facebook live streams and on every post from HHS’s media pages from very dumb people in this small corner of the state. Now she gets to do that with over 5 million idiots! Isn’t that incredible?

In her La Crosse position, Rombalaski on average would endure 100-200 nonsensical comments from armchair experts each day. However, in her new job, officials say that number could potentially quadruple just on a slow day.

“Imagine going from a few thousand people swearing COVID-19 is just the flu to a few million,” DeSpatula added. “I don’t know how she’s going to do it. Tough as nails, that one.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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