Residents Potentially Exposed to People Who Take Darts Too Seriously, Health Department Warns

LA CROSSE, WIS — A new warning Tuesday, as the La Crosse County Health Department says there is the potential that many in the area could have been exposed to the sort of people who take playing darts too seriously.

The health department was first notified after residents reported a marked increase over the past weekend in sightings of day-drinking middle-aged people wearing bar league-style t-shirts shouting about concerts they went to “back in the day”.

“We have confirmed that the sightings were in fact of people who take darts seriously enough to compete in regional events,” a health department spokesperson said. “As of yet, there is no cause for major alarm, however, we do ask that residents be vigilant in keeping an eye on any new symptom development such as constant challenges to a game of cricket, oblivious close-talking with smoker breath, or any other sign that a bar game has become one’s whole personality.”

Health officials are releasing this warning more so out of an abundance of caution, as exposure numbers may be low enough not to reach full scale-epidemic levels like those last seen in the bags outbreak of 1987. They ask that residents notify the health department if more darts team players are sighted. They can often be identified by plastic beer cups, cigarettes, and tend to travel in a tight grouping.