LA CROSSE, WIS — News of a gas shortage after a cyber attack shut down a major supplier pipeline for several days has led to devastating effects for one local family.
“He just won’t stop!” exclaimed an exhausted Town of Shelby resident Jordanna Bust. “We can’t take anymore, please! Just fix the gas shortage, for our sake!”
Jordanna’s husband Barry, a father of two, is well known for making crass jokes related to flatulence. However, following the news of the gas shortage in the southeastern US, his family says those jokes have increased about 2500%.
“He used to just do stuff like ‘pull my finger’,” his son Jackson said. “But now he goes out of his way to eat anything and everything that will give him the largest number of awful, juicy dad farts just so afterward he can shout ‘HAH! No gas shortage in here!’”
Andrew, Jordanna and Barry’s youngest, described how his father’s gas shortage jokes are affecting him mentally.
“I’m 8 years old, and I no longer think farts are funny,” Andrew said. “Think about that! My dad farts and jokes about it so much, that the one form of comedy universal to kids like me is ruined forever. My whole sense of humor is tainted and I’m probably going to grow up into a monster who enjoys Bill Maher.”
Barry’s obsession apparently is affecting local restaurants like Rudy’s Drive-In as well.
“We are running dangerously low on supplies for chili dogs,” a server said. “He comes in and gets the Budget Special for every single meal. I’m honestly not sure how he is still functioning, that is a lot of chili…”
Thursday, it was announced that Barry Bust has been added to the list of major contributors to climate change alongside the livestock and oil industries.
Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.