Satire

Annual City-Wide College Garage Sale in Full Swing

LA CROSSE, WIS — With the school year ending and summer fast approaching, La Crosse college students have once again organized a month-long city-wide garage sale. All items are earmarked for free pickup and can be found in large piles sitting on curbs outside of college rentals and dorms. 

“We just think this is a great way to give back to the community and promote reusing things,” said Kelsey Stonebrekker as she hurled a stained throw pillow and empty bottle of vodka onto a pile of home goods outside her apartment, causing a lamp with CFL bulbs to topple and shatter. 

Stonebrekker, a junior at UW-La Crosse, says students want to see their not-gently-used housewares go to a good home instead of sitting in a landfill. She and others think green initiatives like this one will improve sustainability.

“This is an environmentally-friendly project. It’s really cool to see everyone coming together to pile up their party house garbage and broken furniture for reuse,” Stonebrekker added. “Just the other day I noticed my roommate was taking down her futon that broke during a drinking game and was like, ‘Hey, save that! Someone could still use it.’” 

To further demonstrate, Stonebrekker then went outside to tip the apartment complex’s shared lawnmower, which is rusted out and had been leaking gas into the city storm drain, back upright alongside the other decrepit and rain-soaked items. 

“See? Still good, probably. Reduce, reuse, recycle!” Stonebrekker beamed. 

The citywide sale runs through June 15th or when a family of squirrels burrows into the couches or when Harter’s gets enough time to pick all this extra crap up, whichever comes first. 

Reporter Greg Lovell contributed to this article. 

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