Satire

Recently Hatched Mayfly Who Can Fly Anywhere Pretty Excited to Sit at Gas Pump for Rest of Its Life

LA CROSSE, WI – A mayfly from the most recent hatch says despite an ability to fly and explore much of the brand new world around it, it would much rather stay put on the first gas pump on which it landed.

“This really feels like this is where I need to be,” the mayfly said. “I have the ability to go pretty much anywhere, but once I laid my compound eyes on pump 13, I knew it was going to be the place I stayed, unmoving, for the rest of my life, which is about two days.”

Most wonder why the mayfly wouldn’t want to make the most of its short life and see more of the world, but it shrugged that off as unnecessary.

“What am I supposed to do, wake up and scream my head off about getting laid like a cicada? No thanks. My whole brood was caught on Doppler radar, that’s enough attention for one lifetime,” the mayfly said. “Now shh! The gas station TV is back on… I don’t want to miss Maria Menounos again.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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