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Man Feeling Pretty Heroic About Donating All The Non-Perishable Food He Doesn’t Wanna Eat

LA CROSSE, WIS — As people come together to help one another this giving season, one La Crosse man is feeling particularly good about donating 100% of the food he doesn’t want to eat himself.

“It just feels so good to get rid of it,” Henry Lancaster, 43, said. “Sorry! I meant to get it out of my pantry– Sorry! I mean… it feels good to finally clear out some space– uh… for those in need… yeah, that’s it!”

Feeling the giving spirit, Lancaster says he donated every single non-perishable item that he didn’t want at this year’s Rotary Lights.

“I mean we’re talking not one, not two, but four whole cans of spinach I bought after watching old Popeye cartoons,” Lancaster said, “And that’s not even to mention all of the condiment packets I’ve accumulated from trips to Taco Bell over the years. You’re welcome, La Crosse!”

Lancaster did say he stopped short of donating some items – particularly the ones he tends to make for dinner instead of letting it sit in the back of a dark cabinet for four months before even realizing it’s still there – or from purchasing anything new with the specific purpose of donating.

“Well, I can’t give everything,” he said. “You know, put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others and all… I think that applies here. Food prices have gone up like 13 cents because of inflation, so I gotta make sure I can make it too, you know?”