WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA — Great news for concert-goers! Ticket seller and monopolized behemoth Ticketmaster says ordering Hoobastank tickets is working just fine.
The news came via a hastily-typed release late Tuesday night following a myriad of problems with the company’s website.
“We were first alerted to the problem earlier this week, when millions of customers told us they weren’t able to buy tickets for their favorite artist’s upcoming tour,” said Ticketmaster rep Giles Davys, who also spends his free time hunting the poor for sport. “Our team jumped on it right away, and we are pleased to announce that purchasing Hoobastank tickets now runs perfectly smooth. You’re welcome, America!”
Hoobastank is launching their Nationwide Arena Tour in November, making stops all over the country at dive bars named “Arena”.
“Tickets for both of those shows are available right now,” Davys said, after taking a bite out of what we really hope was just animal meat. “They’re a steal at only $495 dollars, $7000 after fees and ticket insurance.”
As always, Davys added, both tickets and regrets are non-refundable.