WASHINGTON, DC — A revealing new study conducted by the Pew Research Center indicated that acquiring exotic tigers is now the whitest possible pastime in which Americans can engage. Released Wednesday, the study sheds new light on things white people do.
Historically, country line dancing has been considered the whitest activity a human being can be found doing, topping numerous surveys and studies throughout the 1990s and 2000s. However, current data show a shift away from the traditional white rural dance form, a movement some experts are calling “the second white flight.”
Acquiring tigers narrowly eclipsed line dancing by a three percent margin. Attending country clubs ranked third whitest, followed by telling racist jokes in fourth and purchasing Margaritaville-themed goods in fifth. Also of note, fucking over poor people rose 15 places since 2016 and now ranks eighth overall.
A full breakdown of the whitest activities and their rankings is available in the report and at the Pew Research Center website.
Critics of the study say the results are part of a knee jerk reaction to Netflix’s popular Tiger King documentary.
“Does tiger acquisition really stand the test of time for Caucasians? I doubt it,” said Bradley Johnson-Taylor, president of Yachters Without Borders. “Tiger King is a flash in the pan. Bowling, being a Republican dick and of course, line dancing, stand the test of time.”
Reporter Greg Lovell contributed to this article.