Area Dad Reiterates Toys Don’t Pick Up Themselves

LA CROSSE, WIS — Citing a sharp increase in his home’s toys-per-square-feet-of-floor ratio, area dad Gary Veldheering has issued another bold call for sweeping reforms to the family’s toy management policies.

When Veldheering arrived home from work at approximately 5:30 PM Thursday evening, he reportedly tripped over a stray pair of shoes and then stepped on multiple Lego pieces that were not the flat ones that don’t hurt as much.

It was at this point Veldheering announced the need for change, his third such announcement this week.

“These toys don’t pick up themselves you know!” said the beleaguered father of four before adding, “Goddammit, Brennan!”

Veldheering also noted that he does a lot for this family and that the lawn does not mow itself either. He claimed these facts should be well known to the other family members by now.

While the Veldheering children could not be reached for comment, Sharon, Veldheering’s wife, issued the following statement regarding the matter: “Gary, why don’t you just come in and relax for a bit? You know how you get.”

Veldheering was later seen sleeping on a couch previously covered in stuffed animals. 

Reporter Greg Lovell contributed to this article.