Area Rocker Angered That Pump House Not A Museum for Aerosmith Album


LA CROSSE, WIS — Retired plumber and long-time air guitar rocker Roger Reed stormed out of the Pump House Regional Arts Center citing the venue “falsely advertised themselves as a museum for the fourth best Aerosmith album, Pump.” 

The leather-clad, liver-spotted septuagenarian was skeptical upon entering the facility as he noticed he was the only patron who did not have sleeves. After a brief walk through and failed attempts to engage other gallery attendees with conversation about the length of their tongues, Reed made the discovery that the facility had nothing to do with Aerosmith when he got on the elevator and absolutely nobody attempted to make love to him – as referenced in the song “Love In An Elevator.” 

“What the hell is this bullshit?!?,” raged Reed as he stormed out spilling his half-empty Old Style Light. “It’s not even a pump or a house!” 

Pump, Aerosmith’s 10th studio album and 2nd of five comeback albums, was released in 1989 to mostly positive reviews. Despite the band already in their early 40s at the time of release and well beyond the “it’s creepy to sing about having sex” age, the misogynistic lyrical content didn’t seem to hamper the album’s success as it peaked at no. 5 on the Billboard charts. 

Nobody at the Pump house was available for comment, but it is safely assumed nobody who works at The Pump House has intentionally listened to Aerosmith.  

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.