Bored Extrovert Suggests Cleaning the Apartment for 14th Fucking Day In a Row

LA CROSSE, WIS — Reports confirmed Sunday that an extroverted woman in her mid thirties has suggested cleaning the apartment to her partner daily for a solid two weeks since at-home isolation began.

According to her husband Steve, Grace Funnelklaud has spent most moments of their Safer At Home isolation suggesting that they “make good use of their time” by tidying up, organizing and “cleaning every fucking thing she can find.”

“I just… want to sit down… for like two hours,” Steve said, stinking of vinegar and Lysol. “Every time I think, ‘Okay, that HAS to be the last possible thing we could clean,’ she finds another goddamn thing to clean.”

The Funnelklauds could set the all time world record for obsessively cleaning if Grace continues her streak through the following Wednesday.

“Wednesday?” Grace said, foaming at the mouth. “HAH! That’s nothing! I just looked up how to make a deep cleaning paste for the oven, we’ll have plenty to do!”

“I’m volunteering for the oven thing,” Steve said. “I’m getting that shit clean, Sylvia Plath style.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.